When Your "Baby" Starts to Walk

Everyone says, "Enjoy your little one, they grow up too fast." I heard it, but I didn't understand it. It's one of those things that you can't hear and understand, you must experience it in order to understand it. I had to experience my baby girl growing up "too fast" in order to understand what all those other people meant when they said it. My baby girl used to fall asleep in my arms, she used to cuddle up to me all the time and I loved every second of it. She's too squirmy now and only cuddles me for a few moments here and there when she's hurt or tried. I miss newborn Reyna, but I don't miss her waking up every few hours in the middle of the night because she's hungry. I love 11 month old Reyna because she takes naps like a champ, she sleeps through the night (which means I do too), she can communicate with me better and best of all smiles when I go in her room in the morning or she sees me walk around the corner. Although I miss Reyna as a baby sometimes, I also love who she is growing up to be.

It's truly gone by too fast, she has learned and grown so much in this first year of her life. It's so much fun to watch her learn and grow up, and even better when she starts to respond to things that I'm teaching her. She used to be this cute little squishy-faced newborn baby that was completely helpless without me, but now she is an independent, crazy little girl with a mind of her own. I fall more in love with her every day but she's not my "baby" anymore. I used to call her Reyna baby or just baby, but I can't do that anymore, not since she started to WALK. She's not really a baby anymore and even though it makes me teary-eyed I'm ok with that, I'm excited for my toddler and to continue to watch her grow. I love that cute little blonde munchkin. Yes she is growing up too fast but I'm soaking in the moments that I can.

Day 1- The Story of My Life

The Story of My Life--In (about) 250 Words

I was born and raised in Bountiful, Utah. I came into the world on August 22nd, 1987. I loved playing soccer, pretending I was a pioneer crossing the plains (by using my little red wagon full of blankets, water and cheerios) and spent lots of time reading.

By the time I got into high school I was very involved in soccer and loved my acting classes. I’d always had trouble keeping friends but had some great ones in high school who had a good influence on my life. I learned about death in 2006 when a good friend of mine died suddenly from a stroke, I also learned a lot about the Plan of Salvation that God has given us; those 2 things (God & the Gospel) gave me the strength to get through that unexpected tragedy.

When I turned 21 I served a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints to Leeds, England where I learned so much and changed for the better. In my life I had fallen in love and gotten my heart broken a few times; but then a 5’8” ginger swept me off my feet and into his adventurous way of life. We got married on February 18th, 2012 and have had many adventures since then.

One of those adventures includes being a mom to my little angel of a daughter, Reyna, who was born on September 9th, 2013. She is now 9 ½ months old and keeps me on my toes, she is trying to walk, she loves to eat, is a big-time thumb sucker, likes to dance and is very giggly.

Overall I can’t complain. I’m 26 and I have a pretty good life. It hasn’t always been easy, but I wouldn’t have enjoyed it as much if it was easy. I appreciate the challenges that come and the ways in which they make me stronger.

27 is just around the corner!

Why Running is the WORST

That's right I said it. Running is the worst. I HATE RUNNING. It makes my whole body scream at me, it makes me nauseous and want to throw up, it makes me breathe too hard, it makes my lungs scream in protest, it makes me cough afterwards, it makes me feel horribly out of shape, it makes me want to collapse on the side of the road and lay their for hours and hours and hours and hours and hours, it makes me thirsty, it makes me sore, it makes me wish I never had to breathe again and most of all it makes me want to NEVER run again. And yet, I find myself doing it again and again. I came home from a run the other night and asked my husband where all the endorphines were that were supposed to make me feel better after running? Wasn't exercise supposed to make me feel good? Instead of making me feel like hacking up a lung and wanting to just collapse on the floor and give up the ghost. He told me to wait an hour... after an hour... I was still tired from running.

I used to go running with a good friend of mine a few years ago, we'd run on treadmills and I'd say we ran about the same pace/distance; but EVERY TIME we got off those treadmills and stretched she would talk about how good she felt after running and how good running made her feel etc. etc. etc.. I on the other hand, sat there in silence wondering how she felt so good when I felt like crap. Stretching was my favorite part of running. Haha.

Oh well. Maybe one day it will make me feel good... MAYBE. Of course that would mean I would have to keep running. And I suppose I will. The Teton Dam Marathon is this summer and the guys that Kevin works with at the Fire Station want to run the 1/2 marathon. NEVER IN MY LIFE have I wanted to run a marathon, let a lone a half marathon; but Kevin says it's something I should do at least once just to say I have. Well I don't want to say: I ran a half marathon, but it's getting me to run. It's a goal to work towards and that's the only reason I get up and run, the only reason I have a teeny tiny bit of desire to run, and that feels good. It feels good to have a goal. Even though I hate it, and it makes me feel like crap. I will do it. Normally the only thing that gets me to run is a nice green soccer field, and a round soccer ball to chase around (now that's a good time running.) Or on occasion when I'm really angry, it's a nice way to blow off steam because it makes me too tired to be angry. Eh. Here's to doing things I don't want to do just because it's good for me and I like to be able to walk up stairs or jog to the car without breathing heavily. I like it when my cardiovascular system is a champion. Here's to the strength and determination to do things I don't have hardly any desire to do.

"Exercise is not a cure-all; it will not eliminate stress or solve all of our problems. However, exercise will assist us in facing challenges with greater confidence and stamina. Because exercise so effectively releases tension built up in the body by stress, physical activity is something that should not be pushed aside in day-to-day life. Each of us has a right and a responsibility to take care of the body that the Lord has given us. When it comes to managing stress, maintaining health, and improving quality of life, exercise is well worth the effort." -Larry A. Tucker "Move More, Stress Less"

Reyna Paige at 6 Months Old

Well baby girl is 6 months old and I can't believe that time is going by so fast! I just know she'll be a year old before I blink! I can't believe how many of my friends already have toddlers or are on their second kid!And March is already passing by too quickly, Kevin is almost done with this semester of school. It's hard to imagine what my life was like before Reyna came. Our adventures haven't stopped, we just take Reyna everywhere we go! (Except snowboarding, that was the only exception.) She has been fishing, hiking, hunting, off-roading in our new jeep... babies don't stop you from having fun they just add an extra element of fun! Anyway here's what baby girl is up to these days:

1- Has started crawling, does this sort of worm thing but she's getting there!
2- Likes boxes and pretty much anything but her toys
3- Likes to play with other babies
4- Likes to drink apple juice
5- Likes to eat food, just not green beans, she hates those
6- Loves to be snuggled to sleep during naptime
7- Smiles at just about everyone, but still has no teeth
8- Wants to stand up and tries to pull herself up already
9- Likes to pull my hair and grab my face
10- Weighs 15lbs 10oz and is 27 inches long. Growing like a weed.

Well I just love my baby girl, even when I only get five hours of sleep some nights, and it drives me crazy. I do love that little girl though and I am grateful to be her mom and her friend. Who wouldn't like getting to play with a baby?

A New Year And No Resolutions

A new year generally means setting goals or resolutions. I am sick of setting these goals and resolutions though... aren't you? I mean every year since I can remember I sit down at the beginning of January and write some goals for the new year so that I can reach said goals; but then the following January I sit down and look at the goals I made last year and I am perpetually disappointed. I seem to be back in the same position I was in before.

I rarely meet the goals that I set unless it was a goal like "get married this year" (that was in 2012 when I was obviously getting married in February) or "go on a mission" which I already knew I was going to do or this past year "have a baby" when I wrote that I knew Kevin and I had been trying to have a baby so that goal was easy to meet. It's the goals like "read my scriptures every day even if it's only a verse" or "attend the temple every week" or "exercise for 30-60 minutes 4-5 times a week" or "eat healthier" blah blah blah... you all know the kinds of goals I'm talking about. The ones we all set but can never quite achieve. The ones that when we miss a day of reading our scriptures or eat a fat piece of chocolate cake (for the third time that week) that make us frustrated and think that we are never going to meet our goals.

Well this year I say heck to goals! Send em all down the toilet with the goldfish you couldn't manage to keep alive for more than a week either. Right? I mean what is the point in setting stupid goals so I am putting a kibosh on the whole thing this year and possibly all of the rest of the years of my life. I don't want to make stupid goals that will just frustrate me, and anyway life is not about meeting those kinds of goals but a progression to perfection. It's not about making a yearly goal, but an eternal goal to become the best version of myself.

Thus I am setting no goals for myself this year, and no resolutions. I am just going to "keep on swimming" and keep on trying to do what I have been trying to do my entire life. Be a better person. I am always going to try and be more spiritual, try to be in better shape, try and eat healthier, and overall improve my life; but I don't need some stupid "new year's resolutions" to do that. I just need my own determination, the support of my husband, and the love of my Heavenly Father. So here's to the new year and here's to trying to always be a better person, not just at the beginning of the year, but every day of every week of every month of every year! For the rest of my life. :) Thus I propose to quit being perpetually disappointed by missed goals and instead be perpetually perfecting and progressing myself.

"...we must learn to take satisfaction in performing at the limits of our ability (for that is where real power is gained) and let God worry about the rest." -Stephen E. Robinson Believing Christ

Reyna Paige- 2 Months Old

Kevin was able to bless little Reyna this week at church. He gave her a beautiful blessing and I hope she truly does have a beautiful life. It brought tears to my eyes just watching my husband hold that little girl in his arms and blessing her, to see the love that Heavenly Father has for her through my husband's eyes as he looks at her and through his voice as he blessed her. It is truly amazing to feel the love of God in such a way. I am so grateful for both of them!

Let's see. Reyna is now 2 months old!
-She likes to blow spit bubbles
-She likes to sit up with us supporting her
-She also likes to stand up with us supporting her
-She likes to sit in her chair and "play" with her toys
-She likes to fall asleep while cuddled on my shoulder
-She smiles at me when I say "boo" or say "hi Reyna"
-She smiles when Kevin squeezes her cheeks

I never realized how much I would love having a daughter, I love dressing her up in cute little outfits and even putting bows on her head! I didn't know that I would put bows on her head, and like it! But I do, I love dressing her up and cuddling her. I love to watch her when she is sleeping, and see her smile. God knew what He was doing when He allowed us to be parents and raise children, because it truly changes us, it makes us better. Even if it is hard.

A Change In My Life- Part 2 "Being A Mother"

I knew that being a mom would be hard, but I didn't realize it wouldn't be hard in ways I never imagined. The first night we had Reyna at home I ended up at some time in the early hours of the morning watching "Safe Haven" on Netflix and sobbing uncontrollably. I hadn't gotten hardly any sleep and I was sitting up in the bed with Reyna laying on top of a boppy in my lap because it was the only place she would stay asleep, every time we had tried to put her in her crib she woke right back up, crying. I figured it was better to let her sleep on my lap even if that meant I couldn't fall asleep. I was so tired... I didn't know how I was going to do this if every night was like that one. Kevin took her for a walk at 4 in the morning up to the temple just to get her to fall asleep because she was crying and he wanted me to get some sleep (what a sweetheart).

Every day is a new adventure with my little baby girl, I never know what to expect, so even though I am 5 weeks into this with Reyna things are different every day. I can't predict how my day is going to go, ever. I have to take things an hour at a time. You know what being a mom is really hard, and it's hard in a way I can't describe. This beautiful little angel makes me smile and laugh and I love her so much but sometimes when she is crying and crying and crying and I don't know how to help her I feel like such a horrible mom. It doesn't help that my emotions are just out of control (especially if I haven't had much sleep) and I have ended up crying in Kevin's arms because I just don't know how to help Reyna or what she needs. The past few days she has been sick, stuffy nose, and I feel so bad when she wakes up coughing and choking in the night because she can't breathe...

Through this all I have come to realize and been reminded that this little girl is new to this world, just as I am new to being a mother, and Reyna is new to all these things, she is experiencing them for the first time. She doesn't know what's going on or what's wrong anymore than I do, and when she is sick or crying I just cuddle her and think that she just needs to feel loved. It would be easy to lose my patience with this poor angel girl of mine at 3 in the morning when I haven't had a lot of sleep and she is crying but instead I just remind myself that she needs to be loved and cuddled.

Being a mom is really hard. It is also really amazing. I love this girl so much, and it's weird to love something so much (even when she poops all over the place and I spend a lot of time cleaning up after her and doing laundry.) There is just something spectacular and unique about looking at this little baby sleeping in my arms and realizing she is half me and half Kevin, she is my responsibility. I love this little girl so much, I love to watch her when her sleep, I love when she nuzzles her head into my neck, I love being able to comfort her. Being a mom is hard, but it's also really really really great.

A Change In My Life- PART 1 "REYNA'S BIRTH"

Reyna Paige Tolman was born on September 9th, 2013 at 4:52pm. She was 7lbs, 7oz and 21 inches long. And this is the story of her birth:

We were told that Reyna was due on September 7th, so when that day came and went I was getting a little frustrated that my baby wasn't here yet. I was definitely done being pregnant, I'd been kicked in the ribs enough times. :) I even told Kevin that they should give you a span of a week or month that your baby is due in, and also that people shouldn't tell you all these stories about how their baby was weeks early because then you think your baby might come early and you just wait and wait and wait... and wait.

On Sunday night, the 8th, I sat down to write in my journal about 10:30pm and wrote a little about how the baby wasn't here yet, and that I felt like she was never coming! I laid down to sleep at 11:00pm, I was all by myself because Kevin was on a 24 hour shift at the fire department and wouldn't be home until the next morning. At 12:06am (just after midnight) I woke up with the worst pain in my abdomen, it hurt so bad, but then went away. I'd had false contractions a few days before so I was sure that's what these were, but I decided to time them (harder than it sounds!) They were coming about every 4-6 minutes and lasted about a minute, sometimes longer. I decided to wait until 1:00am before I called Kevin because I still wasn't sure if this was it.

I finally called Kevin just after 1:00am and to my surprise he was awake, they had just gotten a call and he was out with the ambulance. A drunk guy had run into a power line, they were waiting for the power company to get there to check the line. I told Kevin that I thought I was in labor and he told me that I'd have to wait about 45 minutes for him to have the scene cleared and make it back to the station. I got off the phone and ate a bowl of fruit loops, in case I was in labor so I could have something in my stomach. To my surprise Kevin called back about 5 minutes later. He told me he'd be home in 10 minutes to take me to the hospital. Apparently after I'd gotten off the phone with him, he informed his captain that I thought I was going into labor. His captain quickly got on the radio and told the station to send out an ambulance to pick Kevin up because his wife was having a baby. Thus 10 minutes later Kevin shows up to our apartment in an ambulance, we got into our own car and headed to the hospital.

The nurse came in to check me, this was about 2:00am, and said I was dilated to a 4 and asked if I wanted an epidural. I thought about holding off for a while, until I had another contraction and the nurse said, "If you're going to get one later, you might as well get it now." I agreed, but it wasn't until 3:30am that the guy came and gave me my epidural, the pain relief was amazing! Although it is quite weird to be numb from your waist down and have very little control over your legs. Everything that happened after that is kind of a blur on the timeline scale. The epidural had slowed down my contractions so they put me on pitocin. By about 6:00am I was dilated to a 6 and they told me the baby would probably be there by 10:00 that morning... oh were they off.

Around 10:00 the doctor came in and broke my water, so I thought for sure the baby would be here soon. However when the doctor broke my water he said that there was some poop in it, that meant that Reyna had pooped in the womb, so he was worried that she could have inhaled some fluid. He warned me that he would have the NICU nurses in the room when I gave birth so that they could be there to check her out and make sure that she didn't have fluid in her lungs, but if she did than they could get it out and take care of her.

The doctor came back in to see me around 1:00pm to see if we couldn't get Reyna to come out, so he had me push a few times. Later on he told me that he almost took me in for a c section at that time, but since the baby was doing good and I was doing good he wanted to see if I could give birth vaginally even if it took a few more hours. He wanted the uterus to work a little harder to push Reyna down into the birth canal more, I had carried her so high my whole pregnancy and she had never really dropped down. Well we waited a little longer, and at 2:45pm the nurse had me push... I pushed for 2 hours, it was tiring and exhausting and I was NOT prepared for how hard it was going to be. I thought that dealing with contractions was going to be the hard part! Pushing out a baby is not easy. At around 4:40ish Dr. Evans showed up and he got all suited up. I couldn't quite get Reyna to come out so Dr. Evans asked if it was ok if he helped me get her out with the vacuum and I said that was fine. Well one vacuum suck and an episiotomy snip did the trick and I felt her head and shoulders pop out.

Kevin was able to cut the cord but then, unfortunately, they handed her off the the NICU nurses because she did indeed have fluid in her lungs. It made me sad not to be able to hold Reyna right away, and as it was I only got to hold her for a minute or two before they wheeled her off into the NICU and Kevin went with her. She ended up being just fine, they just wanted to monitor her for two hours to make sure that she was getting oxygen and breathing well.

I was so grateful when I got to finally see my baby girl and really hold her. I was nervous and scared of this little life that was put into my hands but I am so glad everything went well with her delivery and she was alive and well. I am so glad Heavenly Father has given me the opportunity to be a mom and raise this little baby, not to mention the opportunity to see Kevin as a dad. She is a beautiful little angel and I am glad to have her in my life.

Kicks From the Inside :)

I can feel you,
With a kick from the inside.
It's amazing that you're so small,
yet growing every day.

The first few weeks I almost didn't believe,
That there was a baby inside.
Then as you grew,
I started growing too.

I'm getting bigger now,
and I can feel you more often.
Your daddy was trying to hear your heartbeat,
and you kicked him in the head.

You're so strong,
for one so small and fragile.
I worry about you,
and would protect you with my life.

It's amazing to love you,
when I have only felt you moving inside me.
All you really are,
is a kick from the inside.

But who knows if it's a kick from your foot,
maybe it's your bum, or your hip,
Or even your little fist.
You are so wiggly.

I can't wait to meet you,
See your beautiful face.
It's amazing that I love you so much already,
Since you're just a kick from inside.

Sierra Nevada Trip

A couple of months ago my husband convinced me to go on a backpacking trip in the Sierras, just so happens that when the trip came around I was 7 months pregnant. I promised him that I would go if I thought I could. Since I hiked up to the top of Mt. Baldy at about 6 months pregnant we thought I'd be ok. Actually, I thought I was crazy to do it, but for the most part it ended up being just fine. It was hard to sleep at night on the ground pad which made me even more tired than just being pregnant, so I had to take a couple of naps in the tent. My father-in-law kept saying that I was probably the only 7 months pregnant woman that had ever been to that part of the Sierras and he just might be right. It was a really fun trip though and I am glad I did it. Kaydee and I have been watching Star Wars so we decided to give ourselves Jedi braids haha. We backpacked in three miles, camped near a beautiful brook and spent the days fishing and hiking around to little lakes. We caught some beautiful fish. We even found this beautiful little secluded lake that we named "Sue-ald" Lake. Here's some pictures from our adventures!

Ode to California

Well.. Kevin and I have moved to California for the Summer.
Mmm... who could resist the beaches and nice weather.
I definitely couldn't, especially after being in ice-cold Rexburg aaaaaalllllll Winter! (Brr...)
This was Rexburg:


And this is wonderful WARM life in California:


I might be a little bit biased towards California. It's not that I don't love Idaho, it is beautiful there, but I can only take the cold weather for so long. I am just basking in the beautiful weather here. :) I love being outdoors and doing things. So far this summer we have gone camping, wakeboarding, boogie boarding, jet-skiing, sea-dooing, had a beach bonfire, went on several bike rides to various places, played in tide pools, went to a car-show, I biked in a triathlon (Kevin did the whole thing and came in 5th), and spent a few days at the river. It has been a great summer so far, and I hope it continues to be great. Although it's only May, who knows what other surprises and adventures this summer will have in store!

My Aunt Laura Jo

I have to take a moment to say a few words about my aunt Laura Jo. Here is a picture of her, her sisters and my grandma at my wedding:


On Monday May 13 at 3:30pm my aunt was killed in a car accident. She was driving home from work, the wind was blowing across the freeway causing a white-out. She slowed down due to the poor conditions and lack of visibility and was rear-ended by a semi-truck. She died on the scene...

This was such an unexpected tragedy. My aunt was a wonderful woman, kind hearted and always doing things for other people. She was a great aunt and was always very generous. My heart goes out to her and her family. I am grateful to her for giving life to my five cousins, 2 of which have had a great impact in my life. I am grateful to know that her family can be together forever after this life, and that her children will have the opportunity to see their mother again.

Her Obituary:
"Shelby —Laura Jo Parker McKamey, 55, a speech language pathologist from Shelby passed away May 13, 2013 due to a car accident south of Sunburst. She was struck from behind by a semi-truck during a white out by the alkali flats... Survivors include Laura Jo's husband, Alvin McKamey; her children, Brandon and Kristal McKamey, Russell and Brigette McKamey, Sandra Jo McKamey, Alvin James "AJ" McKamey, and Lucas McKamey; and her three grandchildren, Kyra McKamey, Porter McKamey, and Logan McKamey. She is also survived by her parents David and Wyoma Parker; her brother and sisters, Bruce Parker (Jan), Rebecca Wheeler (Denis), Jill Howells, and Shaula Holt (Kelly); as well as many nieces and nephews.

Laura Jo was born in Great Falls, MT, on September 21, 1957. Her father was an Air Force Navigator and she had lived in Montana, Utah, and Alabama. After he retired, the family settled in Bountiful, Utah, where she grew up and graduated from Viewmont High School in 1975. She attended Brigham Young University where she studied Elementary Education. She then went to the Utah State University to get her master's degree in Speech Language Pathology. Laura Jo married Alvin McKamey on June 17, 1980 in the Logan Utah Temple. They had five children. She has lived in Shelby since 1990 where she had become a large part of the community. Laura Jo was involved in Special Olympics, Destination Imagination, Fine Arts Parents, and any other program her children were involved in. She loved to sew and quilt and watch basketball games while reading the complete works of Shakespeare. She will always be remembered as a multitasking magician accomplishing things in a day that did not seem possible.

Laura Jo was a faithful member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and served in every capacity that she was asked. She had a strong faith in Jesus Christ and the healing power of the Atonement. She was loved by all who knew her and her influence will be forever remembered."

Christmas Break

It's been a long time since I posted in here, but that's ok. I'm doing it now. We went to California for Christmas and spent some time with Kevin's family and I really enjoyed it. We flew out there and the first night we headed to Dry Soggy Lake to go motorcycle riding. It was the coldest night ever! I even slept in a sleeping bag within a sleeping bag (classy I know). Then we went riding on our dirt bikes the next day, I was a little scared at first (it had been 8 months since I'd last been) we rocked it. I even went on sand dunes for the first time!

We also went as a family on a bike ride along Newport beach and out to the harbor/the wedge, it was a fun bike ride minus when my nephew got hurt. Kevin and I rode on a tandem and it was scary letting him be in front because he is one crazy driver. We had a lot of fun though and then we went and sailed some remote controlled sailboats (Kevin loved that).

Overall it was a great vacation. We also played a lot of golf (Wii style). Needless to say I did bad at the beginning and great at the end. We had a lot of great meals and some good family time. I'm grateful to have such a wonderful family-in-law. We also got to spend some time with my family in extremely snowy Utah. Good times. :)